Mid October 2025 Update

My personal support team of four friends met to celebrate two years since diagnosis. And I got me some donuts!

Hello friends!

Pain

Just over a month ago, I started having some significant abdominal pain – about a 7 out of 10 on the pain scale. It was debilitating at times, but with Tylenol and prayer, it eased significantly after a few days, though it never fully went away. This past week, it flared up again – so much so that during church, I found myself wondering if and when my last day of attending service could be. That was a sobering thought.

*note: the pain is pretty persistent, and laughing, coughing or sneezing can exacerbate it, so it literally pains me to watch something funny. So I’m kinda rethinking my life choices that I have so many people that make me laugh. lol. *ow*

The last time I felt pain like this was earlier in the year, when my tumor was growing. Radiation and a new chemo regimen helped it back then, and we saw a good response. But now, the pain has returned.

CT Scan

Thankfully, I’m scheduled for a CT Scan on Thursday, October 16th. Because of radiation exposure and insurance approvals, I can’t get them that often, but they’re the most reliable way to track my tumors. 

Over the past two months, my cancer markers (the more frequent and sometimes less reliable measure of my tumor growth), have fluctuated a lot – increasing, decreasing, and then increasing again. 

So now, I’m just waiting on the scan to tell me what’s really going on inside. 

Oncology consults

In my last update, I mentioned exploring consultations with other oncologists for potential trials.  I met with teams at City of Hope, Cedars-Sinai, and Hoag. We discussed a few potential trials, but I didn’t find a particular one that seemed like a clear fit for me at this time. The consensus was that my most recent CT scan showed no tumor growth and a positive response to my current chemotherapy. They all strongly supported continuing my current oncology treatment at UCLA, but said if the next scan shows progression, I should reach back out to them. 

Feeling alone

I’m incredibly fortunate to be surrounded by caring and truly loving people. My caregivers have walked with me through this journey for the past two years, and I feel deeply “covered” and supported. Still, at the end of the day, this is happening to me and my body, and that can feel a little lonely and isolating at times. 

I think that’s just part of being human – whether you have cancer or not. We all experience life in our own way and have individual feelings and responses to joy and loss. And, sometimes that uniqueness can make us feel both special, and at times, a bit solitary.

That feeling has been especially present as I’ve grieved the recent loss of five members from my pancreatic support group – all in the past month. Some of them were more than just Zoom call people. I made efforts to humanize the whole situation and met a few members in person. One member who became a good friend was a 10-year survivor and someone who truly understood what I was going through – something only another patient really can. 

Losing so many in such a short time has been difficult. There were members who I would call or text regularly and didn’t realize how much we leaned on each other, until those check-ins stopped. I appreciate having people who could talk honestly about the insanity of this disease, who could commiserate just enough to keep us sane, and still lift each other up. It meant everything. And now, as I catch myself wanting to text or call them for encouragement, I feel that quiet ache of absence. It has been a sad last few weeks. I’m experiencing the “normalness” that comes with missing someone. Like when, you want to pick up the phone and…realize you can’t do that any more. 

I miss them dearly and I hope they knew the impact they had on my life.

I originally shared some thoughts about a few of those who have passed in a private Facebook group, but later decided to share them publicly as well. If you would like to read them, I’ve included the links below. Just a heads up – they’re a bit long….

Pat

Andrew

Greg

I’m doing okay, but I’ve been feeling a little bit more alone lately – the kind of loneliness that comes from losing someone who was in the same battle with you. I imagine it’s similar to some veterans’ experiences.

Alone with God

Sometimes, though not always, in the final days before someone passes, they can have difficulty communicating. At times they may seem aware and frustrated by it, and for others, they just become quiet. In the past, this would make me feel sad for both the patient and their family. But over this past year, in moments of prayer, I’ve had a quiet sense that even when someone can no longer connect with us, they may still have a wide open line of communication with God. As isolating as this time can seem, it feels like a sacred and private moment where they can choose to speak with God who fully understands them.

LA Cancer Challenge Walk

I normally don’t like to appeal for fundraising support, but I wanted to share what I’m up to.

Last year, I participated in this Cancer Challenge Walk and was surprised that I was able to complete it. I’m not sure if my legs are up to the full challenge this time, but I plan to show up, walk if I can, and cheer on the others if I can’t.

Meeting support group members in person has been so encouraging that we asked our members to join us for the walk (if possible). Afterward, we plan to meet up for a bite to eat and connect with each other in real life, beyond just images on our usual Zoom calls. Especially after losing so many members recently, I believe this in-person, human connection will mean a lot. Some members are even traveling from out of town to attend this event at UCLA.

https://support.pancreatic.org/site/TR/Events/2025lacc?px=1252537&pg=personal&fr_id=1510

Prayer requests

1. Abdominal Pains. Please pray for relief from increasing abdominal pain. We’re not yet sure of the cause and are hoping it’s not due to tumor growth. We’re hoping the next scan provides answers.
2. CT Scan (Thursday, October 16). Please pray that the scan results show tumor shrinkage or at least stability, and that the medical team gains clarity from the scan.
3. Treatment Plan. Please pray for clarity on whether my current chemotherapy is still working. If a change is needed, pray for clear direction, the right medical team, and an open door to a well matched clinical trial, if that’s the next step. 
4. Grief and Loss. Please lift up the families of the support group members who have recently passed, and those of us in the group processing this ongoing loss in different ways. 
5. Support Group Connections. I’ve found strength in meeting members face-to-face. I want to humanize this experience for myself and others too, but it can be emotionally and physically challenging. Please pray for wisdom in how I spend my time and energy, and for meaningful, life-giving connections. 

Thank you for your continued friendship, support, and prayers. They truly give me strength in this fight.

PS 

As a kid, I remember the playground merry go round and how there often wasn’t a perfect time to jump on…. Such is my feeling about these updates. Things change so frequently I never know when’s a good time to update.